I have always thought that the Bible was pretty important book. In fact, I feel like if people could get our of their “Christian Bubble” and just read about Jesus without any of the religious imagery that they normally have it might actually change their life.
When I found out that Israel was in the Middle East I was pretty confused. Every movie or picture I had ever seen of Jesus looked like he came from New York, or maybe Boston. He would have nice brown hair with highlights, a nice tan, and would be pretty handsome. I didn’t really think he looked like he came from the Middle East though.
I have always pictured Jesus wearing a robe or something. I think that robes make you look pretty holy and that is why some pastors, priests and choirs wear them. I figured that Jesus wore a robe because he was holy. But then I realized that everyone wore robes back then. Maybe it was because the Romans tended to associate pants with barbarians or something?
WWJW = What Would Jesus Wear?
That makes me wonder what Jesus would wear if He showed up today? Whenever a “Christian Movie” shows Jesus showing up in modern times he will always be wearing a robe. I think that is a very good idea because it would be really easy to spot him. After thinking about it for a while I decided that Jesus would wear blue jeans and a t-shirt if he came today, at least if he asked my opinion on the matter. I can’t picture him wearing a suit for some reason, but maybe he would if it was a really nice one.
I also wonder what would happen if the entire story was modernized? What would Communion be? Would it still be wine and bread or would it be Coke and pizza? I guess that is a pretty sacrilegious thought to have, but I thought it anyway.
The Gay Democrat
If Jesus told the story of the Good Samaritan today who would that be about? Would it be about the Good Homosexual? Or maybe the Good Democrat? Since Jesus said that it was a despised Samaritan then I figure it would be someone who most Christians despise, and from reading Facebook is seems like Christians don’t like gays or Democrats very much.
I guess the story would go something like this:
First a religious leader stands up and asks Jesus “Who is our neighbor?”
Jesus smiles at him and begins to tell him this story. “There once was a good Christian going on a trip through a ghetto and was attacked by a bunch of hoodlums. They stole his money, beat him up and left him half dead in an alley. By chance a Republican walked by and seeing the man’s situation stepped over him and continued on his way. Then a Pastor of a large church in the suburbs walked by and pretended not to see him and crossed over to the other side of the road. Then a gay Democrat came by and seeing the man felt sorry for him. He brushed him off, tended to his wounds then set him inside his Prius and took him to the nearest hotel. There the gay Democrat paid for the man to stay there for a week and told the receptionist that he would be back next week and if the man incurred any more expenses he would pay it when he returned.”
Then Jesus would turn and ask the crowd, “Which one of these was a neighbor to the man?”
I think people would be pretty ticked off about that story. They probably wouldn’t even want to answer his question. That’s why the religious leader simply replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” I kind of think the religious leader wished he never asked Jesus who his neighbor was.
Hanging Out with Jesus
I am pretty sure that it would be hard to hang out with Jesus if he showed up today. Whenever I ask people if they think they could hang out with Jesus if he showed up they say that they can. I don’t know if I could though.
I can imagine Jesus asking me what I want to do tonight and I would probably say something spiritual like “go to church.” Then I imagine him chuckling at me, as he must do from time to time, and saying that he heard about a party and wanted to go to that instead.
While we are there at this raucous party a hooker shows up and starts crying tears on Jesus’ feet and kissing them. I think I would feel pretty uncomfortable. Then she cracks open some really expensive perfume and starts giving him a foot rub.
The host of the party would probably laugh and say, “Hey Jesus! If you really were a prophet you would know what kind of woman this is that is touching you!”
Jesus would smile and say something like, “There are two people who owe money to a bank. One owes $50,000 and the other owes $50. Then the bank decides to forgive them both, who do you think would love him more?”
The host would probably nervously mumble, “I guess the one who was forgiven the most.”
“You have answered correctly!” Jesus would say a little too loudly and probably with a chuckle.
If I was there I think I might just stand up and say, “There could be a better use for that perfume, like maybe selling it and giving the money to the poor.” That would probably make me look really pious and maybe some people would be impressed.
Jesus would have replied, “Will you leave her alone! Why are you bothering her? You will always have the poor with you, but you won’t always have me. And guess what! Whenever my story is told hers will be too in honor of what she just did.”
I would probably sulk away and consider turning Jesus in to the bad guys…